ZIM VS Elton
by BunnyGrrl
Summary: First thing I've EVER POSTED (whoo). Basically, it's just a silly little thing to show the funnier side of the music torture method. FUN!


"Zim VS Elton"  
  
-My FIRST Invader Zim FanFic!-  
  
*written at 10:32 PM with a flashlight under a very hot blanket- while playing an Elton John CD*  
  
-*-  
  
It was Friday afternoon and Zim was walking home from Skool. It was a fairly good day- Dib had only mentioned his insides being spilled on an autopsy table once- and he'd actually done a good job of blending in for once.  
  
Zim sighed happily. "These humans don't know what they're in for."  
  
The little green alien reached his home. He checked the mail, only to find a small parcel for Gir.  
  
"Odd..." Zim muttered, and opened the front door, as he did, his robotic father popped out of the hall closet.  
  
"In three spine tingling flavors!" He announced.  
  
Zim groaned and pushed him back into the closet- next to Robo-Mom and an umbrella.  
  
"Master! You're hoooome!" Came a happy voice from somewhere beyond the living room.  
  
"No, Gir, noooo!" Zim screamed and put up his hands in defense. But it was too late- the little robot had zoomed across the living room and tackled Zim to the ground . He then hugged Zim the best he could.  
  
"I cooked you dinner, master!" Gir said chirpily.  
  
Oh no... Thought the Invader.  
  
Gir skipped merrily into the kitchen, and returned wearing a slightly charred apron, and carrying a flaming pan of... Something.  
  
"AGH! Gir! Put it out!" Zim hollered pointing at the dish like it were a ticking bomb.  
  
The robot cocked his head to the side. "Something's burning..." He then looked down at the pan. "Oooooh.... Heh heh. Can't trick me!"  
  
Gir dropped the pan and threw himself over it, thus smoldering the fire. Zim just stared at the robot with raised eyebrows. He then rose a finger and said, "I'm going to the lab, don't-" he cut himself off. "Uh, Gir? You got a package in the mail."  
  
Gir jumped up from the ground. "WHOOO EEEEE!!" He cried in untamed joy. "Doughnuts!" He then snatched the cardboard box from Zim and tore it open, like a lion would tear open a gazelle's gut. Except much more so. "Ooooh..." Breathed Gir. "Frisbee!" He then picked up a CD case from inside the box, and winged it out the window. It shattered and flew outside. Gir bounded after it.  
  
Zim closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He then bent down and picked up another CD case. "El-ton John," he read. " 'Love Songs.' Hmm... I guess I should familiarize myself with the... Filthy... Stink beasts' music." He groaned inwardly. "No matter how torturous it may be. Gir! Come, we have... Work to do."  
  
The happy little robot dressed pooch trotted back inside through the broken window. Inside his mouth was a squirrel. His little tail wagged furiously.  
  
"GET THAT FILTHY EARTH MONKEY BEAST OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!!!" Zim bellowed, quivering with rage.  
  
Gir did so, and looked as though he were about to cry. "May I keep him, master?" He begged. "Oh, please!"  
  
Zim knelt down and put a hand on Gir's shoulder. "I'll share a little Irken quote for life with you: 'If you truly love something, set it free into it's own environment so it can be messily devoured.'" At that, Zim snatched the squirrel away, and chucked it out the broken window. Gir gaped.  
  
"Now," Zim said, standing up and brushing off his hands. "Repair that window, then come down to the lab." He turned on his heel and strutted into the kitchen, stood inside the trash can, and was lowered down to the lab, CD in hand.  
  
He then walked to his little pod, removed his contacts and wig, and set to work on a new creation.  
  
-*-  
  
Meanwhile, Gir was upstairs boarding up the broken window. When he was finished, he plopped down onto the grassy lawn and admired his handy work.  
  
"It's so pretty..." He droned, but his short attention span was then directed to something furry and brown. He sprung up. "Here squirrely, squirrely..."  
  
-*-  
  
"SUCCESS!"  
  
Zim held his new creation high into the air and laughed maniacally.  
  
"Yes... Yesss... Now I shall listen to these human 'love songs' and learn how to twist their pathetic, inferior, f-f-f-filthy emotions... MWAHAHA!"  
  
A low humming sound announced Gir's arrival to the lab. Zim turned around in time to see Gir struggling out of his doggy costume.  
  
"Well, I can't say you're not amusing..." Zim muttered, turning back to his creation.  
  
"Aw, I love you, too." Said the now robot Gir.  
  
Zim rolled his eyes. "What's love got to do with anything?" He paused, then laughed and said, "That's what we're about to find out. Observe! Let's not wait any longer..."  
  
With black gloved hands, Zim cautiously took the CD out of its case and inspected it carefully. Satisfied that it wasn't going to explode, he inserted it into a slot on the device.  
  
"What is it?!" Gir squealed, jumping up and down to get a better view of the thing.  
  
After carefully placing the case off to one side, Zim said, "It's what these humans call a 'CD Player'. It will let us hear this 'Love Songs' recording." His thin finger pressed the 'play' button.  
  
A few moments of silence passed between the alien and his robot. They both peered at the device until...  
  
"Blue eyes, baby's got blue eyes. Like a deep blue sea, on a blue, blue day..."  
  
The two of them gasped and jerked backwards.  
  
"What is it?!" Gir whispered frantically. "Will it hurt us?!!"  
  
"Shh!" Zim hissed, and glared at the CD player as if it were a puzzle he desperately had to figure out.  
  
"I will see... Blue eyes laughing in the sun, laughing in the rain. Baby's got blue eyes. And I am home... I am home again..."  
  
A loud sniffle came from the robot.  
  
"Hold strong, Gir!" Zim said, and rubbed his wetting eyes.  
  
"... What can I do to make you want me? What do I gotta do to make you care?... Sorry seems to be the hardest word... It's sad, so sad..."  
  
By now Gir was bawling. Zim looked down at him and cried, "S-stop it! I-it's not that bad!" His voice then broke. "IT IS SAD!! THEY'VE BOOBY TRAPPED THEIR MUSIC!!"  
  
"Sorry seems to be the hardest wooord..."  
  
"I... I think it's over." Zim announced, rather shaken.  
  
"NO IT'S NOT!" Screamed Gir, hearing the first note of 'Blessed'. He buried his face into his master's boot. "W-what's wrong with me?!"  
  
Wiping his face furiously, Zim said firmly as not to lose his voice again, "These humans are playing with our emotions. TRYING TO DRIVE US MAD!" He then puffed out his chest. "But it's for the mission. I would sacrifice anything for the Mighty Tallest."  
  
Gir stopped wailing long enough to say, "Maybe you can, but I'm leaving!"  
  
"NO! DON'T LEAVE ME WITH IT!!" Zim screeched, pointing at the CD player now belting out 'Candle in the Wind.'  
  
Then, quite suddenly, a small furry something fell from the ceiling and onto the CD player, somehow hitting a button...  
  
"OOPS! I did it again. You-"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!" Screamed Zim as the squirrel latched its self onto his face.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!" Agreed Gir after hearing such a terribly nasal voice.  
  
"RUUUUN!!" Screeched Zim, ripping the squirrel from his face and throwing it into the CD player. He then sprang up, and retreated for the trash can transporter.  
  
"Wait for meeeee!" Cried Gir, equally as frightened, chasing after Zim.  
  
The two of them got upstairs, and dove under the couch. They stayed there all weekend, neither daring to sleep.  
  
Later on what must have been Sunday afternoon, Gir suddenly giggled and said, "You have to go to Skool in the morning, sir."  
  
Zim growled and muttered under his breath.  
  
-*-  
  
The next morning, a very tired and battered Zim dragged himself into class. His wig (which he'd had to go rescue from the lab along with his contacts) was ruffled, and one of his antennae nearly stuck out. As he slumped into his seat and banged his forehead onto the desk, in walked Dib.  
  
As Dib walked past Zim's desk, he stopped dead in his tracks. He leaned down to get a better look at the alien only HE could expose. "Are you okay?" He said, with plenty of genuine concern for his little autopsy puppet.  
  
Zim rolled his head over to look at Dib. Then said, his voice flat, "Well, I went home Friday to find my dog gets a package of CD's. So, I make a CD player, listen to some 'Elton John' man- who is obviously a professional interrogator or torture manager- who gave me permanent emotional scaring. I was attacked by a squirrel, and spent the whole weekend under my couch, too paranoid to sleep or touch the CD player again." He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut.  
  
Dib grinned and said, "So, CD Now tagged your dog too? Yeah, that's why we had to put out dog to sleep...."  
  
THE END 


End file.
